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You Are Here: Home» Hate Mail , Hot Topics » Hate Mail Vol. 1 "Ending Up Pregnant"

I've decided to start a new column here on Lesbian Mommy with all of the ignorant emails that I get.

My hopes in doing this is that others who have to face the same questions can see how I handled it for ideas on to how to handle their own encounters with ignorance... enjoy!



I'm a lesbian who ended up on your blog by mistake and I ended up reading it and wanted to comment on it.

You seem to be the type of person who "chose" to be a lesbian because of a dysfunctional past as well as issues with men. Proof of that is you keep saying you "became" a lesbian. Real lesbians don't become lesbian, they simpler are. It's not something they choose because they've had problems with men.

Secondly, you being in a relationship with a big butch is more proof that you're not really gay. A lesbian is a woman who loves other women. When you love women, you love them the way they are. Women are not masculine and don't look like men.

There are unfortunately many women like you who seem to view lesbianism as some alternative lifestyle choice and then you meet them later on and they have returned to heterosexuality lol.

As soon as your relationship with your partner ends, you will end up back with a man. I've seen it happen a gazillion times with women who are like you. It's sad because people like you are the reason why lesbianism is rarely taken seriously.

Let me know when you get back with a man again and end up pregnant...again.

Dear #####,

I am not sure what possessed you to write such an email to another human being, but being as open minded as I am here is my reply...

Getting an email like this is very disappointing, yet I am glad that you sent it to someone like me because I am strong enough to take the criticism although it stings. I urge you to take another look at my blog and ask yourself if I am really the reason that lesbianism is rarely taken seriously. I am being open about my life and the fact that my story involves a dysfunctional past and issues with men, and the fact that I choose women rather than choosing men. So for me personally, it is a choice. Does that mean it is okay for others to discriminate against my relationship and take away my rights? I am mostly disappointed that out of the whole situation, you decided to criticize my life rather than to celebrate the fact that I was able to find my soul mate and finally be in a happy healthy relationship. Please consider that not all lesbians fit the mold that society has placed out there, and sexuality is truly fluid.

I hope that my blog shows the world that there are many different types of people in the world who are all deserving of understanding & acceptance and I would encourage you to re-think your approach to others in the LGBT community. Your words are very hurtful, and though I can take your criticism it is balanced out with praise for sharing my story with others who have gone through the same thing thinking they were alone. Other people who you share your sharp point of view with may be more sensitive to the hurtful comments you have and reply with anger.

I myself choose to wish you nothing but the best.


Julie Phineas


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