My wife and I have a pretty great relationship.
I didn't say it was perfect, but really, it's pretty great. I don't know if everybody in the world is looking to get married, or even to settle down with someone long term. But if you are, then I think my wife and I are a pretty good example of what a great relationship looks like.
It didn't come overnight, we didn't always have a great relationship, and there were times when we didn't know if we would make it.
All in all, I know we're both on the same page now, we're both in this for life, and we love each other with every fiber of our being. What got us to this point, and through all the tough times in between, was true communication. I firmly believe that in this lesbian relationship, communication is KEY.
Coming from a history of failed relationships with both men and women, I can honestly say that going into this I had a clear picture in my mind of what would and wouldn't work for me in a relationship.
The problem with this is that it became a double edged sword for me in that having this sense of clarity was more of a hindrance than a help. I was becoming set in my ways. Then here she comes, the love of my life, and I knew in an instant there was something deeper there that I should pursue, but she had a clear picture of her own as well. It seemed as though we had both found the person who would be the perfect partner for each other, and yet taking that step towards relationship bliss was a frightening and sobering thought because we both knew what we wanted and expected the other to rise up to that expectation.
It's hard when you see something within somebody that they don't see themselves.
It can also be frustrating for one person to expect something from another person who has no clue what's expected of them. I have often found myself wishing that she could just read my mind, or I hers. Alas, that is not how it works and so I am back in the real world and the only thing that seems to work there for us is to talk about it. Even when it's something you don't want to talk about. Especially then. Sometimes my wife and I have had conversations where we have told each other things that were uber-embarrassing, or extra-sensitive, or highly confidential. (I have to add here that I trust my wife with my secrets completely, and she knows I am a bit of a blabber mouth but I also know how to keep my mouth shut about critical things too.) Having the guts to talk about things with each other that might bring forth anger, jealousy, or embarrassment has really changed our relationship.
We know each other that much better, more than anyone else in the world knows us, and we truly understand where the other is coming from.
We may not always agree with each other but at least we can understand each other and work with that information as best we can. And those uncomfortable emotions eventually go away, but what also goes away is the fear. The fear that a misunderstanding might lead to a break up, or the fear that there are secrets you know nothing about. Insecurity and anxiety don't do well for relationships in my experience, and now that I have a secure, stable, and communicative relationship with my wife we can work together to focus on other, finer things in life; and truly enjoy each other in the process.
About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her website at www.juliephineas.com.