Unfortunately my friends, despite the fact that California recently granted rights to gay and lesbian couples to wed in our state, things have not been going that well for me. You may have noticed that I haven’t posted here since March, although I did write an article for Lesbiatopia about Buddy G.tv that you can read here. I have to be honest with you all that the reason that I haven’t been writing online lately is because I have had a lot of things happen in my life lately that have slowly but surely turned me into an Angry Lesbian. This is mostly because I have been overwhelmed with situations in my life that call for me to deal with other people in highly emotional situations. During these situations, many times homophobic words will come out of a person’s mouth that first and foremost stuns me, and secondly sends me into an angry spin! I didn’t want to post anything un-productive on this blog and basically I needed some time to blow off some steam.
To see another human being hurt or suffering causes me deep sorrow and angst; and to know that someone would cause another to suffer intentionally is something that flat out makes me mad.
I have always been the type to help another in need if I could, and I find myself coming to someone’s aid more and more these days. With this deep sense of wanting to help the world and those who are less fortunate, it pains me to know that I myself and the rest of the LGBT community are truly less fortunate when it comes to simple and basic rights that we would have if only we were straight. I am very blessed to have had opportunities to grow and evolve as a person and reach the point that I am at in my life. On the other hand, I walk my life knowing that others around me could possibly want to keep their kids away from me or my children; that I could be denied seating, jobs, a proper greeting from wait staff and many other ‘minor’ things – only IF they find out that I am a lesbian. Most of the time in my mind I am saying to myself, “Do I tell them? Do I not? Do I let them find out on their own?” Well you might guess what me and my hot-headed self over here decides to do – I always tell ‘em.
I live my life ‘out of the closet’ and anybody who cares to notice can tell that Gina and I are a couple, and lately that has been working completely out of our favor.
I have a younger sister who is 15 years old and recently came to live with us. Through all of this stress it comes to light that my father was living under the impression that Gina and I were only ‘roommates’. I wrote an article about it here called The Pain of Having a Homophobic Parent. Within the same week I also got an email from a blog directory that I have submitted all of my blogs to in the past called Blog Explosion. This site proceeded to tell me that this blog, Lesbian Mommy, was declined for their directory because of nudity. I was so confused! There is no nudity on this site, but the photos of two girls kissing in my posts about The Reasons I Like Being a Lesbian were on the homepage at the time so I speculate that’s what it was. The funny thing is that if you read that post, the photo I am referring to is of the two Flavor of Love girls – New York and Pumpkin (both straight) – and the article simply comments on how the media portrays the LGBT community in comparison to the straight community. Then around the same timeframe my wife and I come to find out that we weren’t invited to a family members baby shower because we are gay. Okay – that one hurt! So I have all these things happening at once and then a homophobic anonymous poster on Lesbiatopia posted hateful messages and really sent me on a spin!! Here are the related comments and you can see how that played out:
Anonymous said... May 7, 2008 7:34 PMSo as you can see I was a ‘lil mad. =0( Sorry Lesbiatopia readers!!! I really don’t like to feel the way that these situations were making me feel and I seriously noticed the anger building up inside of me at all of these homophobic experiences, which was starting to spill out of me.
normal people don't think about transgendered issues because we don't care. and when we do think about them, it's because faggots do something stupid like try to teach a nine year old that HE is a faggot too.
1. Paula the Surf Mom said... May 8, 2008 3:26 AM
You know Anon I realize that you choose to use the word faggot to shock and deliberately cause offense and also to show that somehow you think you self superior, but in reality all you just did here was expose your ignorance to the world and let our reader know that there are still people like you out, that need to be educated and challenged.
I can also see from your comment that someone who lives life in a manner quite different that you do represents a threat to you, a threat to your ego in the sense that maybe your own choices may prove not to be optimal.
Yes Anon I see nothing but fear in your comment, a fact that was only emphasized by you choosing not to leave your name. Could it be you know that most “normal people” reading your comment will view your use of the word faggot in this context as ignorant? Did not want to be held responsible for your comment because you know that expressing your thoughts as you just did that most “normal people” will think you nothing but a stupid bigot?
Yes I can see you hate “faggots” but I can also see you know that ‘normal people” hate bigots.
2. Paula the Surf Mom said... May 8, 2008 3:40 AM
here is another thought for you Anon...
Someday the way the Haverford school system handled this situation with be the way all school systems handle it, because they would rather piss off anonymous ignorant bigots like you then see anymore dead kids and that you can take to the bank.
5. Anonymous said... May 8, 2008 8:08 PM
dear paul the surf retard,
shove fucking off. i was mildly amused by your gay-rights-handbook psychoanalysis, but your theories are pretty silly considering we don't know each other.
also, your prediction about "all school systems" is absurd. if you step out of your fag community bubble for five minutes, you'll find that everyone who is not a hippy or
die-hardleftist thinks your lifestyle is filthy.
p.s. shut up randomkid.
7. ~Julie Phineas~ said... May 8, 2008 8:57 PM
WOW that anon person is really angry at gays... you know what that means ladies - anon is projecting! And you know what, I put my name out there and yes I'm a big faggot lesbo - oooh big deal. I still have to pay my freakin taxes!! So I have as much a right to live my life being what you call 'filthy' as you do being an asshole - yeah I said it, so piss off and go find some bigot blog to post on. You know you only found this site cause you were lookin for lesbian pics anyway - well here you go you got us!! And guess what ANON, we care about everyone's rights, even yours, so leave the 9 yr old kid and Paula alone, and feel free to find another forum for your unproductive opinion.
Peace and Blessings to You and Yours ANON!
8. ~Julie Phineas~ said... May 8, 2008 9:01 PM
PS Dear Lesbiatopia...I'm sorry for yelling. Please resume your lesbian reading duties. Thank You. ~JP~
Even still something even more dramatic was to follow, and really put me to the test as an Angry Lesbian – I was discriminated against in Family Court.
A routine child support modification was already worked out between my ex-husband and myself and all we had to do was get a new order from the judge. Instead, the judge ordered that my domestic partner and I are not to claim the two children on our taxes even though they live with us, because – and I quote – we “won’t be getting rights anytime soon”. The judge said some other derogatory things and had a very hateful attitude towards Gina and myself. As you can imagine I was pretty angry at the judge for her snappy comments such as telling me that I am “giving my children away to my domestic partner and throwing money in the trash”. (Mind you, she didn’t even look at our taxes or my ex-husband’s taxes so she had no clue as to what our tax refunds looked like.) The hardest part of the whole experience was the way she talked down to Gina, who was in the audience, when she has been raising the children with me since they were in diapers. The judge treated her like she was someone I met in the hallway.
When you are standing before a judge in a court of law, there is no room for anger, backtalk, or emotional outbursts.
There were so many things that I truly wanted to say to the judge, and everything in me wanted to defend my wife’s honor and my own pride by snapping back with a dose of Truth. What is horrible in this situation is that I knew if I said anything to defend myself I would have been risking custody of my children. When I tried to present any argument to her judgment she dismissed me with a wave of her hand and made me out to look like a bad mother for having a domestic partner. At a certain point, I just put my paperwork away and sat there and took it. I let her make her judgment, and walked out of the court. That evening I contacted the ACLU, and in the following days contacted the NCLR, HRC and other gay and lesbian activism websites for legal advice and basically to report the incident to them. It was sad to find that this particular case of discrimination by a lesbophobic judge is not rare at all, and many lesbian moms have been discriminated against in a court of law, even losing custody of their children at times because of their sexual orientation. This of course, just makes me even more angry. Arrgh.
What’s a lesbian to do???
I can’t imagine how the couples who are together for decades have done it, but I decided to look into some serious therapies so that this anger does not consume my life. First and foremost I Google’d the keyword ‘anger management’ and found a great site with an article called Controlling Anger -- Before It Controls You that has some great insights and advice on managing anger. Plus I picked up a book I have read before called The Anger Diet. When I read the book before, I just brushed over it and didn’t sit down to do the exercises, promising my self to do them at a later date. Well it seems that date is now because I really need to let some of this anger go. I already have in a way, because I am determined to live my life and be happy.
No person can stop me from loving my wife and that is another big win for team lesbian. *wink*
But I am also taking some extra measures to avoid the pitfalls of being an Angry Lesbian, such as possibly being held in contempt of court. I have to work on the situation with my father, and I’m not going to stop blogging because one site says girls’ kissing is nudity. Plus anonymous commenter’s can’t spew hate on this blog because I moderate my comments!
On the inside though, I’ve got a ways to go before I can be ‘okay’ with the way things are for the LGBT community. I’d like to see the straight community make more of an effort to show support for LGBT rights, so that things with the LGBT community can be ‘okay’. But mostly, I’d like to know that the friends and family of gay and lesbian couples across California will stand by us when elections come in November so that the rights for us to marry here aren’t taken away. I guess we’ll see what happens! Until then, to turn my anger into something productive, I created a T-shirt on Zazzle for angry lesbians below:
here and a bumper sticker here. They all say "Angry Lesbian." on them and you can customize the products for your personal taste. I felt like this was a good way for me to get my emotions out without hurting anyone in the process, so I hope that you'll enjoy these items. That being said, thank you for taking the time to read this post. Stay tuned for more on my up and coming Lesbian Wedding, and stay well in the meantime!
About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her website at www.juliephineas.com.