Today I went through a very painful situation.
The relationship with my father has always been tense to say the least. Well, my father let it be known today that somehow he had been living with the idea that Gina and I were just roommates - even after I came out publicly before we filed for partnership four years ago. The kicker is that his position is that being gay is a choice, and that I chose to be gay and he doesn’t accept that. Basically he feels embarrassment at the thought of telling his friends that his daughter is a lesbian.
I think he has this picture in his mind of lesbian life being the equivalent of an adult movie.
I can understand how he might think that because of the portrayal of gays and lesbians in the media. Yet I don’t know what to do with that information, because regardless of the media I am his daughter. I feel like that simple fact should make him willing to try to see things in a different light – especially if I am living a decent life and handling my responsibilities.
I feel like he doesn’t care about how I feel, only about how he feels.
I feel like he wants me to be ashamed of who I am, when I know that I should really feel pride about being a strong gay woman in today’s society. He says being gay is a choice, I say so what – if it is or isn’t, it doesn’t matter to me – he should love me regardless. If I chose to be gay or didn’t choose to be gay – I am still gay… and he should still have love for me.
If he can’t feel good about me as a person, how can I feel good about him as a father?
I am trying not to judge, I am trying to remain impartial and stay neutral – understand his position and why he feels the way he does. Sad thing is that I do understand, I just don’t agree… so I agree to disagree but… it still hurts. And, I don’t judge him because that it is not in my jurisdiction. But honestly, I want to hug him and let him know that it’s okay… it’s okay to have a gay daughter.
And that I love him anyway.
About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her website at www.juliephineas.com.