I am also going to keep it real and give you a list of reasons why I don’t like being a lesbian too! (All in good fun of course. *wink) Now, you may or may not have read my article which is titled How I Became a Lesbian Mom. To give you a short idea of that post, I talked about how I committed to my partner Gina after divorcing the father of my two children. The marriage to my children’s father lasted about five years, and at this point in my life Gina and I have been in a committed relationship for five years. Today, at this point in the game, I can stop and reflect on the differences between being in a committed lesbian relationship and being in a straight relationship. It’s truly interesting and funny to me to think about how my life has gone from one end of the rainbow to the other end of it – and I mean that literally!
I hope that you will enjoy reading what I think are the best things about being a lesbian.
Just keep in mind that these insights are based on my own personal experiences as a lesbian, and are not intended to be taken as advice or reasons to become a lesbian. That is totally up to you!! Whether you are a lesbian or not, I don’t mean to provide this list to help others figure out their own sexual orientation. I just thought it would be a good read because I noticed some funny things about lesbian life that made me realize that I really like being a lesbian as compared to being in a straight relationship. Before I guess you could say I didn’t want to fall into some type of ‘man hater’ category of lesbians, and I truly don’t want that to be the case now. But honestly, there are some perks to lesbian life and I sometimes feel like being a lesbian is a luxury! So that being said, I decided to share some thoughts I had about being a lesbian, and the reasons why I like being a lesbian.
I thought I would start off by sharing this video that I found on YouTube that was made by a lesbian in Norway called The 10 Best Reasons to Be a Lesbian.
**Caution: she uses adult language so if you have children around you right now be aware before watching.
The woman in this video speaks from the butch perspective and talks about how it is nice for her not to have wear makeup to impress men, and other reasons she chose to be a lesbian. My list of reasons to be a lesbian (or rather the 5 reasons why I like being a lesbian) are from the perspective of a femme lesbian in a relationship with a butch lesbian.
So now that you know that, here is the list that I put together with the pros of being a lesbian; or good things about being a lesbian from my perspective:
#1 The number one thing I have to say is the best thing about being a lesbian is that you can SHARE STUFF! Gina and I can share most items that are geared towards women such as facial products, body wash, shoes, hair styling accessories, and clothing. So for example say I am tired of the scent of my body spray… I still have her collection of body sprays to choose from! We can choose from each others hair accessories, lotions, jewelry, and sometimes clothes and shoes fit the both of us and we can share. This did not happen when I was in a straight marriage! Plus, there are many things that Gina and I can buy one of and share like women's vitamins, hair color, Midol, etc.
#2 The next best thing about being a lesbian is the unique advantages. This includes advantages such as having a knowledgeable female on hand to turn to for female things such as help with a pedicure, or home breast exam. Because we are both females we can go into the women's restroom together, and sometimes we can pass ourselves off as being ‘just friends’ in places that are not-so-gay-friendly. Another unique advantage to being a lesbian is that straight women tend not to view you as a threat for stealing their man and are more likely to be friendly rather than, how can I say it… bitchy. LOL
#3 The third reason I like being a lesbian is because instead of a spare room, we’ve got a spare womb!! When it comes to having another baby and expanding our family I can totally pass the buck to her! There are more reproductive options actually, it's quite suprising. Either one of us could carry a child, or we could both carry at the same time. We could even opt to have one of us carry and the other take medication to make her lactate and breastfeed. This was definitely not happening in a straight relationship, although in a Transgendered relationship it is possible to have a 'spare womb' as well.
#4 Next I would have to say a difference between the straight relationship that I had and the lesbian relationship that I am committed to now would be that we do a lot more stuff together. Since we are the same gender we enjoy many of the same things, have a similar perspective on certain ideas, and seem to be pushing the same agenda in life. We both enjoy shopping together and watching The L Word, plus we both don’t mind watching ’chick flicks’. We both like to watch The Oxygen Channel and Lifetime too; and we both have the type of relationship with chocolate and carbs that only a woman could appreciate. We shop from the same stores for clothes, shoes, and personal products; and we can both appreciate some good Tupperware and a good pair of tweezers. As you can imagine, we have very many of the same interests and because of this we spend a lot of our time doing things together rather than apart.
#5 The number 5 reason I like being a lesbian is having someone to talk to. Being a lesbian I have another female to talk to, share stories with, discuss makeup and hair styles with, get fashion tips from, and spill gossip to. When I ask Gina what she thinks about my outfit, I have confidence in her answer! Plus, I trust the advice that she gives me on hair styles to try, or makeup tricks to apply. I don’t have to pick up the phone to call my best girl friend for advice or gossip, I have access to her around the clock! Plus, because my spouse is another female, she understands me and my unique concerns as a female (and vice versa!). One big difference I noticed is that as a lesbian there is less pressure to maintain a certain weight or image as a ‘trophy wife’. The most important issue to my wife is my happiness, and she understands when I get caught up in emotional eating, obsessing over losing weight, or other things tied to image. We give each other a break from having to be ‘superwoman to society’, and can understand each others mood swings and irrational behavior around certain times of the month. I can always turn to her no matter what I am going through, and she can always come to me for support as well. We know that each understands the other. This is one of the biggest bonuses in our relationship.
Okay, so there you have it! Now here is my list of reasons why I don’t like being a lesbian, and for extra fun this time I am going to go backwards!
#5 The number 5 reason I don’t like being a lesbian is this… loving another woman keeps me on my toes! Batting my eyelashes to get my way doesn’t work because she can do the same right back, and leaving a trail of lingerie to the bed is not viewed by another woman as sexy it’s viewed as laundry. *LOL Plus, she really notices my fashion faux pa’s and bad hair days, and I get no sympathy for my PMS since she has to deal with the same thing. Both of us can be stubborn and emotional, and we both cry at weddings. Our house can be ‘all feelings all the time’, and sometimes it feels like I have stepped into an episode of The L Word with all the lesbian drama.
#4 The fourth reason that I don’t like being a lesbian is because it can be hard to know which ‘role’ to take in the relationship. In my past straight relationships, the roles were assumed for the most part. Gina and I had to decide which of us would be in charge of taking out the trash, taking the children to and from school, preparing meals, handling the finances, etc. Sometimes there are roles that we both expected to fit, such as being invited to baby showers, and Tupperware parties; and there are also roles that neither of us are expected to fit such as when it comes to handling automotive repairs or heavy lifting. I imagine that every relationship whether a gay, straight, or transgendered relationship has some level of determining the roles of each partner; but this is one part of being a lesbian that I do not like. In my past straight relationships I remember feeling frustrated at the assumptions of roles based on gender. Now, in a committed lesbian relationship I feel frustrated that we are still expected to maintain certain roles as women by society, when that is not the case in our daily life. The roles can be very unclear because society has no precedence set for the roles in LGBT families. In school my children are clearly taught to give mommy flowers on mother’s day and daddy a tie on father’s day. There is never a thought to the possibility of gay families with two moms or two dads, or for that matter families with a grandmother as the mother figure, an older sibling as the parent, or that a dad might appreciate flowers rather than a tie and vice versa. The issue of roles is very frustrating to me and one of the downers of being gay, because discussing the issue of ‘who takes which roles’ in the relationship can be an emotional power struggle… add in the fact that we are two stubborn and emotional women and then you can understand why this is the fourth reason that I don’t like being a lesbian.
#3 The third reason I don't like being a lesbian is because the female health concerns are doubled in our household! As we grow old together, Gina and I are guaranteed to face menopause together twice, plus we face double the risk of facing infertility, ovarian cancer, cervical cancer, breast cancer, and other female health problems. On a smaller scale we deal with double the PMS and associated mood swings, and double the bill on feminine products and medications. Plus with two women fighting off the signs of aging we spend twice as much on feminine anti aging products than a straight couple would spend.
#2 The number two reason that I do not like being a lesbian is because of the negative media portrayal of gays and lesbians, and the existence of Lesbophobia.
Many times you will see straight women kissing each other for attention which is somehow okay, but the LGBT community is usually portrayed in a sexual context which leads to the common mis-perception that we are "sexual deviants". As a result my wife's and my existence are considered mature content and not suitable for children. (hilarious isn't it!?) For example, a cartoon of Postcards From Buster showed a two mom family and was protested so heavily that it never made air. It has also happened more times than we know that people who have a mis-perception about the LGBT community have resorted to violence against us to prove their mis-informed point.
#1 And the Number One Reason that I Don't Like Being a Lesbian is... getting hit on by guys for threesomes!!! I don't know what makes a man think that it's OK to ask if he can come home with us once he finds out we are committed lesbians. I never had a man ask me if he could come home with us when I was in a straight relationship! LOL Anyhoo... yeah, I could live without that factor.
So there you have it! Being a lesbian has its ups and downs like any relationship should, LOL. I think that lesbian life is for me personally, and I have finally found my calling!
I hope you enjoyed reading about the reasons that I like being a lesbian, and the reasons that I don't like being a lesbian as well. Feel free to comment on this post and let us know what you like about being a lesbian from your own personal perspective, or for that matter if you are gay or trans let us know what's good from your perspective as well! Thank you for visiting, and I hope that you visit again soon. Stay well!
About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her website at http://www.juliephineas.com/.